


Heaven and Hell

by LadyByron



Category: Eroica Yori Ai o Komete | From Eroica with Love
Genre: But is not THAT horrible, Character Death, Graphic Description of Corpses, M/M, Sounds hideous I know, it becomes funny later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24578392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyByron/pseuds/LadyByron
Summary: The afterlife. What is it all about? Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell?
Relationships: Klaus von dem Eberbach/Dorian Red Gloria
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	Heaven and Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I know this starts heavy, but I assure you it becomes terribly goofy and bizarre at the end.

And one day, it happened. It was the stupidest death, if you think of how much they had survived before. But as they were being chased in the rain by the KGB, Klaus didn't notice the lights had changed and in the car crush five people died, among them, one KGB agent, Lord Gloria and Iron Klaus.

As to keep his reputation of tough guy, at least, he was surprisingly unspoilt. No bruises, no wounds. Just a hint on blood in his nostril. But even his face was serious, frowning, as if he were sleeping, but always alert.

Lord Gloria, on the contrary, was a mass of bloody curls and crushed bones. Still, his beauty was noticeable behind the blood and wounds.

It was just like that, the end the iconic duo. Enemies once, allies another time. And they were allies this time, and as allies they died. Together. 

But it appeared the agony wouldn't end just like that.

Not for Iron Klaus.

He opened his eyes. He knew something was not right. He wasn't alive, that was what he knew. And that was wrong. As he got on his feet, he noticed he was light, like a feather. But when he squeezed his hands into fists, he could feel his usual strength. 

When he got up, a detail escaped his attention. He got on his feet casually, as if he was laying on the ground or on his bed. But he wasn't. He was squished between his seat and the wheel, yet somehow he was there, standing just right over his death body, passing through the car as if he were made of smoke.

"My soul", he thought, "this is my soul and that's my dead body".

Observing his own body wasn't very painful. Everyone has to die, at some point. But it was a drag that he couldn't finish the mission. 

However, it was surprising, even for himself, when at the sight of Lord Gloria's body his chest experienced an uncomfortable sensation, close to pain, similar to despair. The impact had sent him off the car, breaking the glass, sending him head first to the ground.

He winced at the sight of it when he walked closer -of it, yes, for that broken doll surrounded by curious people, laying in the pavement, that wasn't Lord Gloria- and he noticed he was hurt. As never before. The Earl's blood was forming a thick, dark red puddle around his head, his curls spreading out and framing his face. His position, the way his broken bones had allowed an impossible position, the contrast of the red lights of the ambulance and the cars around with the pale moonlight, the fantastic paleness death gave to him, even the wounds on his head were aesthetic. If someone painted it, Klaus thought of it as a cruel joke, the Earl would be the first to steal it. 

He pouted and he knew he was about to cry when a sob distracted him.

"Oh, no! No! Major! Major, p-please, wake up! Wake up, oh, God!"

He turned around and peeped inside his destroyed car. There he saw the most beautiful, ethereal creature his eyes had ever seen, crying over his corpse. The figure was desperately trying to shake him awake, yet their efforts were obviously in vane. Lord Gloria.

~~~~~~~~~

When he woke up, Dorian noticed he was dead. He got up, and admired the beauty of his death scene for a while. He cried a few tears, but then he noticed something was wrong. It was like going to a party where he wasn't invited. That is, he felt slightly embarrassed to be there, but quite happy to be there and not, well... In the other place? What... Was that sensation?

It was just a moment, because then the thought of his Major hit him. He was in the car! He ran -or he flew- to the car, where he found the love of his life, gone, dead, completely taken away from him.

Even though both were dead now, it was just so sad... The Major, he was so beloved, so IMPORTANT, so indispensable. So young, and fair, and beautiful. He couldn't die just like that. He felt just as if his heart was breaking. A dead heart could still ache? How curious.

"Major, please...", he sobbed and just held that cold Major like sculpture. 

"Eroica!"

That voice. He startled and looked at his Major. Dead as a rock, he was. He pouted and whined. He was having hallucinations...

"Over here, you bugger!!"

That was too real. He looked around and saw... 

No...

He jumped out of the car and he saw him, his Major, standing there.

"Oh!", he ran to him and threw his arms around his neck. He didn't have much time to be surprised for the Major stiffing, tense under his touch but not pushing him away, because he was too busy weeping.

"We're dead", the Major mumbled, "and so are all those other people".

Lord Gloria looked around.

"How horrible... But where are them?", he asked.

"What do you mean", Klaus frowned, gently unwrapping himself from those clingy arms around his shoulders. He had been oh so sad that seeing the idiot talking again was quite a relief.

"Well, here we are, you and I. Yet, the others are nowhere to be seen. Only their corpses remain".

Klaus squinted. That was a good observation. Besides, Dorian was dressed weirdly.

"Fair point. And also, you are wearing a very foppish robe, tunic thing. And you glimmer", Klaus pointed out, nodding at Dorian's clothes.

"Oh?", he arched his eyebrows and looked down on him. He gasped as he discovered that what the Major was saying was true. And only then, passed the shock of his death, and the Major's, and this reencounter, he noticed the Major looked different too.

He stepped back, and smiled nervously. Klaus blinked.

"What is it?", the Major asked.

"Your clothes...", Dorian said softly, "also look different..."

Made sense, Klaus thought, because he was feeling uncomfortable. He looked down to himself.

"WAS?!!", he yelped in German and Dorian grimaced, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

He was wearing just one piece of clothing, a catsuit, the most disgusting, exhibitionist clothes, something that felt like leather, but the colour was bright red. He felt humiliated, naked, exposed, and that stupid thief was smirking but he also looked somewhat afraid.

"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!", he inquired, voice cracking.

"Red suits you...", Dorian sighed, "and the tail is kind of cute. The horns, though...".

The ho... What? He reached out to his head and... In fact, he had a paid of horns, little things popping out from his scalp. It didn't hurt, actually it felt natural, as if it was part of him all along. He turned his face a bit to check his tail, and yes, he had a tail too, a long red tail, with something like an arrow shape on the tip.

"What does this mean?!", he screeched, hands flexed in a insane gesture of hopelessness and distress. 

"You look like a demon", Dorian observed, rubbing his chin and raising an eyebrow.

He looked up and down at his beloved, and nodded approvingly. The catsuit the Major was wearing emphasized his musculature, his hips, his arse was like a red, shiny apple. He giggled at the idea, and thought of how much he'd like to dig his teeth in that apple. Poor Klaus, even his loin was saying hello down there. Oh he did look like a demon...

And then, well, if the Major was a demon...

"Do I look like an angel?", the Earl asked.

"You look like a piece of shit!"

"I'm serious, Major. Look... You said I glimmer, and that is true. And my robes. Do I have wings?"

"No".

"But do I have an angelic aspect?"

As a matter of fact, he did... The Earl looked like one of those foppish wankers drawn on walls and ceilings in churches. Or yes, like an angel. Only that he irradiated erotism and sensuality with each single gesture, with his pronunciation, his expressions, almost as if it was inherent of him and he couldn't get rid of that nature.

"... You could say, yes", Klaus admitted.

"Mh... How bizarre..."

It was in that moment that the ground cracked and started opening. The real world didn't seem affected by it, but the pavement gave way and formed a type of underpass. Both men stepped back cautiously, looking at the interesting down way with curiosity, concern and amazement.

"... A way to hell?", Dorian whispered and Klaus shivered. It called for him. He KNEW he had to go down there.

Suddenly, a bright light came from above. Both lifted an arm protectively over their eyes to look up. They were running out of ability to be shocked, and yet Dorian gasped in awe.

From the dark clouds above, the bright light was so intense that it appeared as if it was the day all of a sudden. Slowly, almost in a creepy way, what seemed to be gold glitter but Dorian acknowledged it was light itself, becoming hard somehow, solid, began forming a figure, an object. No, a way. A stairway.

The stairway went down and down, until it touched the ground and the fibers of this golden solid light slithered on the pavement until it reached Dorian's feet.

Both men looked at each other, each with his incredulous, astonished expressions, and then back to the light.

"A stairway to heaven", Dorian twirled a curl around his index finger, "How cliché".

Klaus frowned.

"Are you supposed to go up there? I don't buy it".

"I am not certain, but I am dressed for the ball...", just as he said it, he remembered that feeling he had before. The one of being in the wrong party, uninvited.

"What is it?", Klaus asked.

"Nothing. Well, do you think we should part ways, Major?", he pouted, "I do not want to leave you!"

"It is what it is", the Major squinted, still not believing why he shall go to hell whilst this perverted hedonist would go up to heaven.

He headed to the way that extended down the earth with pride and determination, and Dorian walked up the stairs with much more precaution.

"Do take care, Major! I love you!", he yelled and Klaus looked up, but he couldn't see through the light.

"... You too", he licked his lips and went down the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dorian wasn't slightly tired when he reached the golden gates. Those were amazing structures of golden material, floating in soft, pink, orange, light blue clouds. In fact, everything, up, down, and to each side, was clouds and more clouds. The air was fresh, it wasn't at all windy, and the temperature was warm, but nice, like a spring evening. He was not only NOT tired, he felt invigorated.

Yet, ironically, he was sad. So, was this the end at last? Wouldn't he ever see his beloved Major again? What's more, he, a demon now, in hell? He was the most correct man of all!

He wiped his tears of frustration and approached to the man standing at the gates. 

"Why, hello! Finally I see a face", the Earl greeted the man with a dazzling smile.

"Hello", the man said with the neutral tone of a professional tired of his monotonous job, "name, profession and cause of death".

"...", Dorian blinked and shook his head, "I beg you pardon?"

"I gotta check if you're in the list before letting you in", the man explained calmly.

"Understood. The profession? Why is that?", the Earl inquired.

"Lawyers, bankers, politicians and cops don't come in just like that, you know. They have to fill some papers first. And by the way, there's a lie detector, so we know who is saying the truth and who isn't", the man was again very serene.

"Oooh, I see, I see", Dorian nodded, "same as, for example, a NATO officer?"

"Yeah, all those people have to fill lotsa papers first".

"Oh, but they could go in".

"Yep, but not if they were a c, u, n, t", he nodded.

"... Who are you?", Dorian smiled, a bit impressed by the man's vocabulary.

"I'm Peter. Well, hurry! Name, profession, cause of death".

"I am Dorian Red Gloria. I am... An aristocrat, I do not have a job, and I died in a car crush".

"Aristocrat? Oooooh", the man shook his head but started looking in the list, "those don't come here often!"

"Is that so...", the Earl looked away, nervous.

"Nope. No Dorian Red in this list. There must be a mistake", he produced another list and started reading there, "uh-uh, nope. No. You don't appear".

"Oh, my... I wonder why?"

"I wonder too", he opened the gates and pointed in, "go to His office, He'll analyze your case. There must be some reason why you show up here. These situations don't happen often. Straight forward until you reach a golden door. Ah, and, don't try to wander around. It's pointless", he smiled and made a gesture for Dorian to walk in.

The latter entered, feeling weirdly scared. Uninvited.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The way to hell was also a stair, but it went down, and the steps were made of cold, slippery stone. It was hard to walk down, and he was exhausted. To make things worse, it got hotter and hotter as he walked down. That ridiculous suit was making him sweat like a pig and he was getting so pissed off.

Until finally, he reached a door... Or something. A hole in the rock, from where he could hear screams, moans, whines and... Disco music. 

He peeped in and noticed it was similar to a bar. Only that the walls were on fire, the barman had a terrifying boar head and there was a river of phantasmagorical figures which produced the screams.

"Classy, eh?", Klaus heard a friendly voice behind him and startled when a hot hand patted his back, "a river of souls in a bar. I bet you didn't have that in Bonn, Major, sir".

Klaus turned and met a man taller than himself, with lustrous blond hair, red eyes and an impecceble red suit. He was handsome, annoyingly handsome. Not the Lord Gloria kind of handsome, with that effeminate beauty of androgynous creatures. He was masculine, angular, but sexy, attractive.

"Who the fuck are you", Klaus squinted and the man laughed.

"Oh, you have an attitude...", he shook his head and produced a cigarette from his pocket, which he lit with a little flame he generated with a snap of his fingers, "... I'm Lucifer, the star of the morning".

Klaus opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. The man blew the smoke on his face and the Major pushed him away.

"So you're Satan. That jerk who was expelled from Heaven", he said.

"Uh-hum. Yeah. I'm still waiting for you to ask me if it hurt", the man winked.

"What hurt?", Klaus squinted.

"When I fell from heaven, dummy!", he slapped the Major's arm and chuckled, "agh, German are so uptight! Ugh!", he grabbed Klaus by his arm and pushed him forward along with himself, "come, come. I suppose you would like an explanation of what you're doing here and how to behave".

"I do, actually".

They sat in a leather couch and Klaus saw how a pint of cold beer appeared on the table in front of him. He blinked in stupor.

"I knew you were thirsty, the way down is long. I knew you wanted beer. Oh, oh, you want a smoke, snap!", he actually said snap, and snapped his fingers again. The result of it was that Klaus had now a cigarette between his lips, and another snap lit it.

"Incredible...", Klaus mumbled after a drag.

"Heh... Now, Klaus Heinz Von Dem Eberbach. Yes...", Satan grabbed a book and started reading, "ah, my boy, you've been naughty".

"Me? What have I done?", he queried, shifting in the seat because the catsuit was adding an annoying pressure on his crotch.

"Is the suit bothering you?", Satan asked.

"Agh, yes. Was this necessary?", Klaus growled.

"Not at all. It is just a personal diversion", he snapped his fingers and Klaus was again wearing a normal grey suit, "actually TONS of our guests here wear suits. Seems to be the comfortable outfit for demons and devils".

"I'm not entirely surprised", Klaus admitted, "but what exactly brought me here?"

"I have a list here...", the devil mumbled, reading the book and playing with his hair, " Klaus Heinz blah blah blah, NATO blah blah blah, son of blah blah... Age blah blah... A Taurus", he lifted his gaze to wink at Klaus and kept reading, "... Ah, here. Sins".

"Sins?".

"Hey, I said that first", he scolded and hummed, "let's see. Murder, blackmailing, thievery..."

"Thievery?", Klaus' eyes widened.

"Yes. You stole some money, it seems, and lots of microfilms, files, all that kind of crap".

"It was my job!!"

"I don't make the rules, honey. You picked the wrong job", he shrugged, "My life, says here you murdered a twenty something years old kid".

Klaus blushed and did not answer.

"You desired another man's wife. You desired a man, you had homoerotic, lewd thoughts. Yet you practiced cruel homophobia".

"Who's the woman?", Klaus was utterly shocked and yet he didn't dare to ask about the man.

"Herr A's wife. But you don't even remember her name. In fact, you don't even know A's name..."

"Is that a sin?", the Major squited, jaw tensing.

"No, but shows how much of a twat you are, sweetie. Now", he kept reading, "about the homophobia, see, that's bad. Like, you don't come here just for discriminating people, but surely adds bad points to your list. That plus other crimes such as ending other people's lives, well, it leads to this. Because technically Mister Beard up there forgives your sins, but yours truly has a separated list. I know your crimes and fill my papers, and when the list has certain percentage of twatness, I drag you here. And you were like 80 per cent twat, honey, sorry".

"... I see. But, if I desired a man, which I didn't, but if I did, doesn't it fix the homophobia part?"

"You did! Well, you had homoerotic dreams! I have it recorded".

"WHAT?"

But Satan was already playing a video on a notebook that appeared on his lap out of nowhere.

"Come, look".

Despite his urge to vomit, Klaus peeped.

The video was in fact a dream Klaus had. He was in a closet with Lord Gloria and the latter was regaling him with a skillful blowjob. 

"This is my favourite part", Satan giggled, and on the screen the door of the closet opened and Klaus' Butler appeared.

"Master, you'll ruin your clothes", the old bald man said and Satan bursted out laughing.

Klaus growled offended and moved away, and the devil left the notebook and shook his head, calming his laughter a bit.

"Ahhhh", he sighed, wiping his eye, "poor Klaus. See, my love, if you are a closeted gay it doesn't change the hate you professed and also manifested physically. I'm sorry. You belong here".

"But I went to church and donated!", he slammed the table.

"You went there to sleeeeep and donated only to keep a good face! You're an atheist! You are cruel, and mean, and beat women and men alike! You-belong-to-me! You're mine!", Satan explained with his voice that Klaus noticed now sounded so queer.

"... I understand", Klaus sighed.

"Good. But, to be honest, I was expecting someone else with you...", the devil tapped his pursed lips.

"Oh?"

"Mh-hum... Yes. My baby".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dorian discovered that just as Peter said, he couldn't walk any other way that wasn't towards that door. When he finally arrived, he lifted his hand to knock. Yet before his fingers could touch the gold, the door opened itself. He stepped in and it closed behind him as well.

There was nothing, nothing at all in the room, nothing but clouds and a little bramble bush. Dorian licked his lips and since he knew the basics of religion (as an actual good atheist, he did study the religious books), he took his sandals off and marched towards the tree. It radiated calm and beautiful flames. Dorian felt disappointed not to see God himself in all of his glory.

"You don't belong here", a voice inside of him said. He felt as if the bush was speaking, but it was inside of his head. It wasn't a man's voice, nor a woman's. Just, words. Words he could comprehend clearly.

"Don't I?", he asked timidly.

"You are not a bad man. But you have done the unforgivable", the voice explained, gravely.

"Which is?"

"You have stolen countless pieces of work. However, that is not for me to judge. If the time had come for you as you were alive, you would have been judged by your peers. Nevertheless, you have sinned repeatedly. You have stolen the innocence of many, many youths".

"Oop--"

"You are a virtuous man. You have values. You haven't caused many damages in your pass through the earth. You were pious, when your aesthete soul wanted to contemplate my glory through art. You helped those in need, and you remained anonymous, hidden behind an alias, when your assistance saved lives".

"... I sound more like a saint", Dorian complained.

"But you used one of your virtues to take advantage of it. For cruel, selfish and impudent purposes. You seduced young men, tasted them and then abandoned them to their sorrow. You are unaware of the pain and suffering you have caused. But I have seen it all. You were manipulative, and indecent, and you also tempted the devil himself with your conceited arrogance and your shameless lechery".

"Oh, I see now", Dorian blushed.

"How did you, Dorian Red, managed to climb the golden stairs? What brought you here? What was the last thing you did in Earth?"

The Earl twirled a curl around his finger, thoughtful.

"I... Asked you to save the Major. In my last moments, I prayed for you to save Klaus and take only me".

"It's the sacrifice. You are here for that reason".

"Then, why did the Major die?"

"My ways are mysterious. In life, each event precedes and follows another event, and each thing happens when it must. It was your time, for both. But your last desire to save him was what brought you here. Yet, your destiny was assigned to you. Fear not, my son. It is as it should be".

"... Easier said than done", he sighed, "is if because I stole the Pope?", he rolled his eyes. He knew this was personal.

"You scum!", the voice was loud inside of him and suddenly Dorian was falling, falling, falling...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The blonde hit the ground with a dry yelp and he whined. He rolled on his back and he found a gorgeous face looking down to him.

"Did it hurt?", Satan asked, grinning and exposing his long fangs.

Dorian blinked and whined again. The devil leaned down and picked him up from his wrists, dusting his messy robe with a hand.

"The pavement is still wet. Poor Dorian".

"Who are you?", the Earl asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, well... Your predecessor!", the man explained with a maleficent smirk.

"Pred... What?".

Satan smiled and stepped backwards. He cleared his throat, became serious and lifted a hand, with a theatrical body language.

"You were the model of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God…You were anointed as a guardian cherub, for so I ordained you. You were on the holy mount of God; you walked among the fiery stones. You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created till wickedness was found in you. Through your widespread trade you were filled with violence, and you sinned. So I drove you in disgrace from the mount of God, and I expelled you, O guardian cherub, from among the fiery stones. Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings", he recited with deep voice.

Lord Gloria opened his mouth, for he understood what this meant, but he wasn't very sure if it was true.

"Am I... The fallen angel?", he gasped.

"Yep! You're so CUTE and wise! You'll replace me nicely. And what's not evil in you I assure you your boyfriend has it".

"Boyfriend?"

Satan nodded behind Dorian and the latter turned around.

There, dressed as usual, the whole sexy devil boy aspect faded away, was the Major. The only hint of a demon could be that cold, green glare. But he always had it.

"So, you're my boyfriend now?", the Earl smirked.

Klaus shook his head.

"No. Not really. But looks like my punishment for being bad in life is to be your partner for all eternity", he didn't even sound upset. More like resigned.

"Huzzah! Life's GOOD!", Dorian lifted his hand with a victorious gesture.

"Yeah! Also, he didn't ask God to save you, the twat", Satan rolled his eyes, "I mean you guys could live a hundred years and he won't deserve you still!", the tall man tapped Dorian's shoulder.

"But I'm in love!", the Earl pouted.

Satan laughed and then stretched.

"Aaaaah, I need some holiday. I thought mankind couldn't get worse but fuck you bunch are SICK! Agh!", he sighed and jumped on his Italian sports car, "see ya, guys. Have fun. You know, now that you're in hell, everything is valid", he winked.

Klaus' cheeks got a soft pink tone and Dorian just laughed loudly.

The devil drove his car at all speed, and both Dorian and Klaus watched him go. By then, in real world, sun was rising already, slowly, without hurry.

"Another day begins...", Lord Gloria sighed with melancholia.

"And again you face it exposing your nakedness. Exhibitionist!", the Major growled.

Dorian's robe was tore apart and barely covering his...

"Oh, my... How inconvenient", he chuckled mischievously.

"I believe if you snap you can obtain whatever you want", Klaus remarked, looking closely at each little inch of the Earl's body.

"Is that so?", Dorian snapped and immediately he was fully dressed with tight white pants and a medieval like velvet blouse in dark purple tones. He gasped mesmerized and grinned, "I'm absolutely delighted!"

And then he squinted. Could he obtain anything he wanted with a mere snap?

He snapped again and in front of him, a god, a deity, the sheer form of beauty, palpable reachable, was in front of him, as the Major was suddenly naked.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!", he yelled, trying to cover his body as much as he could with his hands.

"I am the devil now, the higher rank, and you're my partner, my humble servant. Also I think it was about time that I saw it", he said in an expressionless tone, just starring, "for the life of me, you are gorgeous".

Klaus blushed and mumbled curses but then sighed.

"... Alright. That's it. If that's how things will go... I accept it".

He pointed at the enter to hell.

"After you, my lord", he murmured.

"Oh, no, my dear. After YOU".

The Major sighed exasperated and walked in. But he couldn't deny, not for himself at least, that knowing he was being observed by the Earl of Gloria, the new fallen angel, the devil himself, he was getting more and more aroused, while he walked towards their bedchamber.

**Author's Note:**

> No corrections in this one so it may have lots of mistakes.  
> I have said I wouldn't post anymore but this came to my mind a while ago and I wrote it down while feeling a bit sad. It may reflect my moods in these last days, but I tried to make it funny.  
> Writing is for me a way to release my tension and I have been very tense lately, so I'm glad I could write this.  
> I know it may not be accurate, it may have flaws, but it's just my insane mind and ideas popping out like popcorn.  
> I hope you enjoy and that you're doing fine.  
> Punch ❤


End file.
